Really jokes

I said I was going to my flat. I really meant your girl.

"You're really hot, I wanna hit on you like the plane hit the Twin Towers."

"A dyslexic atheist lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog."

Me: God, Bryce, do we really have to talk about this again?

Bryce: What?

Me: You're still talking shit!! I already told you! It's 9 inches! Stop saying it's 3!

P.S. I'm a girl.

My uncle got really badly burned the other day.

They don't fuck around at the crematorium.

My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."

So I said, "Okay."

It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Q: What do you call a duck that's sad?

A: Idk, but it's acting really duckpressed.

I love to have sex. And my name is Lex. Which one should I be with next? I really hate my ex. I just saw a huge T Rex, And I think you probably saw this text.

Welcome for the rhyme.

I would tell a joke about Kobe, but it wouldn’t really land well.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You are so ugly, Do not tell me that is really you.

I really wasn't planning on going for a run today, but damn, those cops came out of nowhere!

Why is an orphan really good at being naughty?

Because they have no one to tell them off.

What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?

Man, you are really on edge.

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

So you know "The Lion King."

Do you remember Simba?

Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.

So I told him to Mufasa.

What do you call a rabbit who is really cool?

So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.

But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."

So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.

This was the best day of my life.

This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.

In a proud, boastful voice, Gemma told the old Chinese woman who was babysitting her that onions were the only food that could make you cry. The woman nodded and said that was true enough.

They continued eating for a while. "This is really good!" the little girl exclaimed. "What's this meat?"

The old lady replied with: "Well, there was a brown dog in your yard that wouldn't stop yapping."

What is the most annoying thing your parents say to you, and what is the dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you?

The most annoying thing your parents can say: "Finish your dinner, there are starving kids in Africa!" No, you can't have any dessert until you finish your dinner. (See how annoying that is!)

The dumbest thing someone can say that annoys you: "Why is your name Crayla? Why is your last name Goldburg? Is it like a gold bird!" (That is really annoying if you ask me!)

Thanks for reading this...bye!