Really jokes

I hit myself on a window yesterday. I really felt the pane.

Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

One time I was watching TV.

Mom: Omg, your dad is coming!

Me: Omg, really?

Mom: Sike, I lied.

Hitler isn’t really a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler himself.

I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.

It really gave me a hard time indeed.

Do you like CDs?

There's this really cool one called "C Deez Nuts."

I met a girl that was 6'5" and she fell on 9/11 and broke her arm. She really said "oh snap" like a twin tower.

Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?

Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?

They call me Mr. Distracted, truly a spastic. Can't talk to my folks cause they say I'm pro- problematic. Really fantastic. Can't focus unless I take meds then it's magic. My brain is like traffic, always fucking active. But never at the right time, pretty fucking tragic it happens.

Not a joke but there's nowhere else to post this, (mainly this post is for the broke people without a gym). Did you know that the body can't tell if you're using weights? So lifting weights are optional.

Some beginner workouts without weights for like really weak people:

1. Sit-ups 10 reps 2. Push-ups 20 per reps 3. Squats 10 per reps 4. Crunches 10 per reps

Bob: Hey bud, remember we're going to space!

Carol: Really? I forgot to planet.

Dad: I'm dying.

Son: Hi dying, I'm [name].

Dad: Really, now is not the time.

Son: I'm sorry.

Dad: Hi sorry, I'm Dad. (dies)

Girls Are Yummy Stupid

Are Really Erectable

Tasty Honey Ejaculable

Booty Everything Sucking Titties

Gays don't be mad, read the first letter of every word :D

The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...

Hey guys, Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone, he says their name really loud.

Billy: Hey guys, I just got back from my DADS!!

Wait, what Billy?

Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."

How are Kobe’s death and people in 9/11 the same? They both hit the ground really hard.

People on the Titanic were cracking up at my jokes, so did the Titanic. No, really, the Titanic cracked in half!

We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.

I was going to tell a 9/11 joke, but it was really plane.