Protection jokes

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.

Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!

Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?

In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.

Condoms are for pussies.

What did the penis say to the condom?

"Cover me, I'm going in!"

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!

Why do I carry pepper spray?

Just in case of as-SAULT.

Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?

Leather armor is made of hide.

Whenever I have a one night stand, I always use protection.

A fake name and a fake phone number.