How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
A condom and bungee jumping are exactly alike, if the rubber breaks, you're f**ked.
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?
You better not lay a finger on her!
Most people smother babies with love. I smother them with pillows
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Why did the murderer invest in condoms? To kill the future buyers!
why does adam go hockey you might ask? in my opinion he shouldnt go cus he is bad but he needs the armour to protect him self from his own STEP-DAD
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!
Why do I carry pepper spray? JUST IN CASE OF AS-SAULT.
Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?
Leather armor is made of hide.
Whenever I have a one night stand I always use protection
A fake name and fake phone number.
