Pilot Jokes

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.

"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit." "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife." "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk...!!!!"

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

What do you call an Indian plane that comes back?

A Boomerang.

Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.

I'm going to hell!

There was a person inside who needed help from the police, but the police changed their number, so he ordered a party with pizzas from 2 airplanes, but the pilots were stupid, so they put people instead of pizzas, and one landed on the 93rd floor and the 94th floor, literally.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.

You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

I didn't get the joke at first, then it hit me like a plane.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could fly a plane.

When Kobe's pilot hit the mountain, he said, "Kobe."

Why did the people in 9/11 not call 911? Because it would call the pilots.

I heard some twin brothers were going as buildings to the school costume contest, so I went as a plane. It didn't fly too well with people.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot for Pakistan.

I don't joke about 9/11 because I lost my dad. He was the best pilot I ever knew.

People joking about 9/11.

Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."

Oh.

"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

There was a plane crash. The pilot's names were Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow.

We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.

I know a good airplane joke, but it would probably go over your heads.

The twin towers: No, it won't.

Are you a plane? Because I wanna be in control of you for a few hours.