Pick jokes
Win a free ride in a police car! Just pick up a knife and use it!
When is the last time you picked up the phone?
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
What's the worst thing about 9/11?
All of the stupid "Airplane" jokes.
I think I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked at least.
Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."
Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."
Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."
Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."
Why was the rapper always in shape?
Because he dropped so many BARS, he had to stay fit to pick them up!
My mom picked my major.
The thing about animals is every time you pick one up, you have to put it down.
Spy: Hahaha.
Me: What?
Spy: Time to pick up your mother.
Me: Oh no....
Wow! The jokes on here are so dark they pick my cotton!
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
Are you the Twin Towers? Cause I'd love to take you out. 🤭
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
What does an apple and an orphan have in common?
One gets picked.
One day I went to talk to my friend.
"Hi John!" I said.
No response.
"Oh, yeah."
I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.
"Hope that helps!"
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
Best pick up line EVER.
There is an app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12 to 15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12 to 15 inches longer.
There were three women, one was curvy in all the right places, one was skinny but had a booty on her, and last but not least there’s one that has a BBL. Then comes in a famous rapper, guess which one he picked???