What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people? What’s up.
They told me I could never be an actor....
No one suspected me when they went missing the next day.
Why didn't the drummer play? ....... because he got a percussion.
I started a band called 999 megabytes... we still haven't gotten a gig
I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was “she was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife reply’s “perform the fucking autopsy!”
my departed uncle was a circus clown before he died
so all his friends came in one car
Using modern day technology you can produce music with a Tesla coil. I dont know if you heard it but it is quite shocking and even electrifying. I cant tell if it is metal or techno but it is more vaulable then joules. It really amps up your blood pressure and has you saying watt the whole time. It is way better than current music.
What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns???
Go for the juggler!!!
My girlfriend broke up with me because I have a small dick to bad for her because I give good sex
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.
In my house, good sex sounds like seals slapping each other.
"Banjo players spend half their lives tuning... and the other half out of tune." Im a banjo picker and I can confirm this is 99% true.
A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, "If you're happy and you know it..."
The room was full of arm amputees.
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with Cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The non stop dancer". It is very funny but it is made even funnier by Dudley moors, drunken and stoned laughter through the song. One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio but they are adlibbing and extremely drunk.
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist
Why Did Michael Jackson call Boyz 2 Men ? He thought they were a delivery service
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, 'uno, dos...' and poof. He disappears without a tres."
Friend: If u don't like my bad jokes I will tell some stand up comedy. Me: But u are not standing:)
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
