What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist? If you want a hooker to be a bitch you have to give her money first.
I took my son to a drivers school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident" (I gotta go pay him out of jail)
When it's ready for pickup today, I have to get my stimulus payment for a while and then we'll go to bed...đ„±đ„čđ„ș
How did the guys with down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
Iâm a cashier at a grocery store, and when Iâm bored I draw on my hands with pen, well this guy walks up to me and says â you know I got mental illnesses from drawing on myselfâ and so without thinking I said â well Iâve already got those so I think Iâm fine.... đłhe looked concerned. Oops lol
I was walking down main street when I saw a child.
I told him, "I will give you 20$ if you get a my balls back from the vet."
He replied, "Why did they take your balls sir?
"Beer plus going to the vet does not work well for everybody, expeciy when your a furry."
An attractive man and a blonde meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $30." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman slightly annoyed gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she mumbles with her mouth full.
One Tuesday afternoon Little Jonny Decides he wants extra Homework So he went to his teacher and said,Hello can I have extra homework this week and the teacher replied with,Sure be at my house Friday afternoon to cut my lawn, Polish the counters,Scrub the Baseboards,Scrub and paint the walls! And johnny replied with,That's not what I Ment but at least I'll get paid! And The Teacher said, How about 200 each job? Johnny replied with,OK (Friday afternoon at her house After Johnny Does all the jobs he asked for his payment and the teacher laughed and said,You do know that Tuesday was April fools day right?
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
âWait, youâre getting paid?â
Well at least my adoption fee cost more than you
This man came up to me and asked if i could sell my house to him and i said sure then five days later he said that the loan should came in the mailbox then i checked the mail box and the only thing i saw was nothing so i told the guy DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH
What happens when your make an asĂan girl squirt? She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce
Clear all your debts with one easy payment. Buy a shotgun and blow your head off.
Bubba couldn't make rent so he offered to sleep with the landlady instead. I think he forgot he lived in his mom's basement.
Wife is texting husband- Honey if I give you 300 dollars will you stop being blind? husband-seilghsielguG Wife- seriously David Husband-fuweyadb
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer but they only had 2 dollars each. Christopher got an idea and run away to the butcher and see if he got something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys. - Are you crazy?! Said Tony to Christopher. 'We don't have any money!' - Take it easy now, said Christopher. 'I have a plan.' When they finnished drink everything up christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth. The bartender saw what they did and throw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub. After the 10th pub said Tony: I can't do this anymore. I am drunk and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk. - How do you think i feel? Said Christopher exhausted. ' I dropped the sausage in the 3th pub!'
A guy goes to Starbucks and asksâHey, if I can make you laugh I donât have to pay.âThe girl in the window says,âok.âThe guys says,âA little boy named Timmy lost his arms.âThe girl says,â oh no!âThe guy saysâand his dad left him when he was 4.âThe girl says âuhh yeah.â The guy saysâOk,I guess Iâll be paying thenâ The girl asksâOk,And what name will that be under?âThe guy saysâTimmy,Iâm Timmy.â
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis, we talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing to her about being suicidal, she's been very helpful throughout it, I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers? Me: No, but i`ll arm wrestle you for the bill.
What do Painters and Prostitutes have in common? They're both paid for a good finish..