Doctor: You have cancer.
Patient: Will I survive?
Doctor: Probably not.
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
Here [are] some questions firesharky:
1. What color hair do u have?
2. What[s] MY parents['] names? What hospital [were] u born in?
3. What state [were] u born in?
Do not say I don't know.
Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
Welcome to youtube.com.
Where we treat our patients nicely.
Hi.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
A Make-A-Wish patient wanted to see Black Panther IRL, so I pulled his plug.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
Why can you rub a dog's nose in their pee when they go on the carpet but when I do the same to an Alzheimer's patient I get fired from the nursing home?
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
Timmy goes to the doctor and says, "There's a crack in my butt, doctor." Timmy, there is a crack in everyone's butt, see?
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
