Patient jokes
So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
Doctor: You have cancer.
Patient: Will I survive?
Doctor: Probably not.
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
Here [are] some questions firesharky:
1. What color hair do u have?
2. What[s] MY parents['] names? What hospital [were] u born in?
3. What state [were] u born in?
Do not say I don't know.
Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
Welcome to youtube.com.
Where we treat our patients nicely.
Hi.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
A Make-A-Wish patient wanted to see Black Panther IRL, so I pulled his plug.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.
Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
Timmy goes to the doctor and says, "There's a crack in my butt, doctor." Timmy, there is a crack in everyone's butt, see?
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam. When he stuck it in, I started to squirm, so he held onto my shoulder.
I thought it was going well, until he grabbed my other shoulder as well.
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.