Welcome to youtube.com
where we treat our patients nicely
hi
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.
Doctor: u have cancer. Patient: will i survive? Doctor: prolly not
What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?
One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
A Make-A-Wish patient wanted to see Black Panther IRL, so I pulled his plug.
I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
Doc: Can I help you?
Girl: Doctor, I have pain in my heart.
Doc: When did it begin?
Girl: Right now (seeing him like a doll).
Doc: Hh...do you like me? I know I am handsome...
Girl: No, don’t get me wrong. You just look like someone I know.
Doc: Who is that? Is your boyfriend?
Girl: No, it’s my pet (rabbit), his name is Rokie.
Timmy goes to the doctor and says, "There's a crack in my butt, doctor." Timmy, there is a crack in everyone's butt, see?
I had to go to the doctor for a prostate exam, when he stuck it in I started to squirm so he held onto my shoulder. I thought it was going well.
Until he grabbed my other shoulder as well. ( If someone can write it better go ahead, I know it sucks)
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
Q: How many more chemo treatments did the cancer patient need?
A: Tumor.
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
A calendar asked the doctor how many time he's got left. The doctor replied: "'Til December."
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
A young woman goes for her first gynecological exam, and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown, and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute.
The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful vaginas he’s ever seen, and he has seen a lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes:
"Num num num num num!"
Dolls have wigs made of mohair, cancer patients have wigs of no hair.
