Patient jokes

We wrote letters to a kid with cancer.

My letter read, "It's a bumpy road, but soon you will have a straight path."

People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol.

What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.

He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.

I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.

Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.

So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back...

Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

The doctor told me my temperature was exactly 98.6 degrees. I felt relieved until he said, “Celsius.”

Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?

He'll have you in "Stitches"!

Here [are] some questions firesharky:

1. What color hair do u have?

2. What[s] MY parents['] names? What hospital [were] u born in?

3. What state [were] u born in?

Do not say I don't know.

Me running out of the hospital after telling COVID patients to stay "positive."

Doctor: You have cancer.

Patient: Will I survive?

Doctor: Probably not.

Patient number 14 was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma—a type of skin cancer. Pretty ironic how he travels. He went to terminal 14.

Welcome to youtube.com.

Where we treat our patients nicely.

Hi.

Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.

What's the difference between someone with dystonia and someone with misophonia?

One makes the annoying noises, while the other hates the annoying noises.

Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.

Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍

It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!

A Make-A-Wish patient wanted to see Black Panther IRL, so I pulled his plug.

Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?

Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.

I got a heart pain then I went to [the] hospital. When the doctor says I am dead, but I run then I jump. I am not dead!

Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?

Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.

A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”

He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.

EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.

WebMD: Cancer.