Outing jokes

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.

Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?

He didn't wanna hang out.

What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was out-standing.

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.

Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.

How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.

Why did the orphan fall out of the tree?

They thought their parents would catch them.

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

I went to a feminist picnic the other day.

It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.

Why was the emo kid thrown out of the amusement park?

He kept cutting in line.

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.

If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?

Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?

A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.