Outing jokes

Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone chucked a brick at her.

Why did Sally throw a clock out the window? She had brain damage from the brick.

Why can't orphans be gay?

They don't have a closet to come out of.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.

I rate you 9 out of 10, because I'm the 1 you need.

The doctor told me I'm color blind...

Me: That's out of the purple!

Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.

Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?

Neither one of them, they eat out.

You know how bad of a person you are when you figure out how long you wait to smash. For me and my girlfriend, it was between the first plane crash and the last tower falling.

I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.

It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

Why did the emo break up with her boyfriend?

He didn't wanna hang out.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

Why did Michael Jackson dangle a baby over a balcony?

He wanted to clean out the blanket.

What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was out-standing.

If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?