Outing jokes

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

What's the difference between Harry Potter and Anne Frank?

Harry made it out of the chamber.

If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Why do orphans hate health ed at school?

Their parents can't opt them out of it.

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

Why was the emo kid thrown out of the amusement park?

He kept cutting in line.

Why did Michael Jackson dangle a baby over a balcony?

He wanted to clean out the blanket.

I went to a feminist picnic the other day.

It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.

What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?

I’ve got money and suicidal thoughts, and I’m all out of money.

Why did the orphan fall out of the tree?

They thought their parents would catch them.

Yo mama so old when she farts, dust comes out.

How do you make a blind person jealous? You ask if it's a nice day out.

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

He was out-standing.

What is the similarity between orphans and apples?

They both get thrown out.

Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?

A: Couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.

What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?

Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.

I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a waste of time.