My dick was in the book of world records.
But then the librarian asked me to take it out.
I went to go hang out with the emo kids, but they already did.
Your teeth are so spread out my mom can drive her car through the gap in your teeth.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, βI really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!β
I got kicked out of the library for putting a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.
I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.
That poor kid, he was fine until I bought him a mother's day card for his mum. The second he saw it, he burst out crying...
Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.
What do you call an apple that fell out of the tree?
An orphan.
When the quiet kid has an argument with the school shooter, and you didn't get to pull out the AK.
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
Me: Have you seen the movie Constipation?
You: No.
Me: Because it hasnβt come out yet! ERMINER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.
Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)
"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))
And slice jokes!
What kind of "slices"?
Handy ones. ^_^
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He ran out of data.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
Should I buy COVID-19 or wait until COVID-20 comes out?
There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"
My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.
