Order jokes
I was watching my boyfriend's dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When I looked down, he appeared to be dead.
My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do, so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said, "You know, your dog's been a little depressed lately..."
Why were the victims of 9/11 so mad?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was a plane.
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation, the man yelled, "FREE DISHWASHER!"
What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
Two large planes!
A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin. The bartender said to her, "I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink?" and she said, "Not usually, but I am doing the bishop a favor."
The bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening, and she said, "No, I am with the bishop tonight."
What did the Alabama graduate say to the Tennessee graduate?
"Welcome to McDonald's, may I take your order please?"
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."
Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"
What do you call the only Trump Supporter to follow his orders to obstruct justice?
Answer: Attorney General William Barr!
One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cuz 7 8 9, right?
No. It's because 7 was a repeated 6 offender.
Why were the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered Dominos and got Jets.
On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.
What do orphans need in order to mail letters?
Food stamps.
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
Symptoms of Schizophrenia.
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations