Order

Order jokes

You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.

I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."

  • 4

    • Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"

    What do you call the only Trump Supporter to follow his orders to obstruct justice?

    Answer: Attorney General William Barr!

    One day me and my friend Howard the duck went into the bar. I ordered a drink. Howard told the waiter to put it on his... BILL.

    Me and my mom order Chinese food.

    My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."

    Why was 6 afraid of 7? Cuz 7 8 9, right?

    No. It's because 7 was a repeated 6 offender.

    On 9/11, the Twin Towers ordered 3 pepperoni pizzas. One came in plain, the other came in late, the third went to the wrong address.

    When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

  • 0

    • Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.

    An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.

    Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.

    The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.

    The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

    The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

  • 3

    • Symptoms of Schizophrenia.

    The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two or more of the following for at least one month:

    Delusions

    Hallucinations

    Symptoms of Schizophrenia

    The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:

    Delusions

    Hallucinations

    A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”

  • 3

    • So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.

    A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.

    The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.

    After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"

    The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."

    So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.

    About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.

    He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.

    The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."

  • 6

    • A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."