Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?" Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now." Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff." Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
OTHERS (MOTIVATED): If I had FLYING as a SUPERPOWER, FALLING would be the BEGINNING STAGE. ME (DEPRESSED): OK, GOOD IDEA! LETS FALL OFF THE CLIFF AND FLY TO HEAVEN!!
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam
Doctor: Yup
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor
Don't you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman. Oh just me... OK
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
Ok there has to be SOMEONE on this website right now, whoever that is wanna chat? (im just bored)
Son:DAD DAD OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!
Dad:WHATS WRONG ARE YOU OK?!
SOn:MIA ASKED ME OUT ON A DATE ON FEBRUARY 30th
Dad:Cas theres no february 30th?
I like my cigars like I like my women,7 years old and in a burlap sack from Cuba
Ok not really racist but still funny
Parents: "OH! honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK he didn't either!
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potato's." *SMACK*! mother slapped mark. She then asked suzie, "what would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatos" said suzie *SMAACK*! she slapped suzie. "Ok. Johnny, what would you like to eat?" Well.... I sure as hell dont want no fucking potatos.
This homeless lady called me ugly so I told her “ok then imma just go on home”
Is it ok to call a special ed kid late to class a little tardy?
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either
Joker gives batman a phone thomas:uhh son we need to talk... about the uhh dressing up. martha:hello dearie brucie is it ok if you visit me when you go to jokers house
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad. Liam: I like you both. Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go Liam: I will go to paris. Mother: That's means you like dad more Liam: No, its because i like paris Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go. Liam: I will go to America. Mother: Why Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
*One day u see a girl climb a pole and ask her* Why are u climbing that pole Because a boy payed me to He did that to see your underwear Oh. Ok *next day u see her do the same thing* why are u ding the same thing Well I got him this time. I did not wear underwear
ok this isnt a joke but its funny.
Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when its stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it's in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, its not what you think, its a lipton tea bag.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
