OH jokes

Kris

Damn this shit!

Megan Thee Stallion: What!

Kris: My mother is a fucker!

The whole world:

OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.

Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.

So, Stephen Hawking walked into a bar—oh, wait a minute! Rewind!

So, Stephen Hawking rolled into a bar......

Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.

Time for a random Terraria joke.

Q: Why did the guide die at his house?

A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.

(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!

"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.

"Why?" said her friend.

"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"

"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.

"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."

Why did Stephen Hawking walk across the road? Oh wait...

Why did Stephen Hawking cross the road?

Oh wait, he didn't.

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh for god's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

Oh, you're jealous now.

Ah, what's that on your face? Oh, I forgot, that is your ass. It's so ugly, you stupid-looking bitch!

I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: Why?

Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.

Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.

Man: Why?

Kid: I'm an orphan.

Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!

(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.

I worry about him sometimes.

Someone: "I got chickens out there vibin'."

Me: "What? Oh, you mean those over-sized chickens that just show an example of you in real life?"

Someone: . . .

What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Stand up for yourself! Oh, come on, walk it off."