OH jokes

Anybody remember 9/11? Cause I sure do, and oh boy was my father a good pilot!💥

Ex-bf's gf: You're so ugly as hell.

Me: Oh, did I mention that I was trying to be you?

Why do orphans hate any milk?

Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧

Oh, you're jealous now.

Ah, what's that on your face? Oh, I forgot, that is your ass. It's so ugly, you stupid-looking bitch!

I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.

Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.

Uranus be like, "Oh look, I'm Uranus. Imagine how disgusted I feel."

Oh, sweetheart, you brighten me.

Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.

Time for a random Terraria joke.

Q: Why did the guide die at his house?

A: The player dropped his doll in the lava.

(WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap!

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!

Why did Stephen Hawking walk across the road? Oh wait...

Me, holding a baby: "Oh my God, it's so cute!"

Also me: "Throw it."

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with an EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh for god's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: Why?

Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.

Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.

Man: Why?

Kid: I'm an orphan.

Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!

(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

Me: Which WiFi are we on?

Coworker: Should be floor 89.

Me: What about flight 104?

Coworker: Oh crap!

First bite: Oh my God!

Second bite: Oh my, God!

Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?

- Sure.

Oh sorry, I'm still working on it :-]

Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"