Off jokes

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she had no arms.

Did you hear what happened to Lorainna Bobbit? She was in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. She told the State Police Officer, "That some dick cut her off."

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?

Just switch off the lights.

"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!

Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?

They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.

Yo mama so old, when she left the antique shop, the alarm went off.

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!

Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.

What do nail polish and panties have in common?

Both come off with alcohol.

Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?

It was only 3/5 full.

What does the word circumcise mean?

Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.

All countries will get Covid.

Except China, they got it right off the bat.

I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"

I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.

All terrorists like starting a new year off with a bang.

Why did Sally fall off the swing? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.

Why did Sally drop a broom? "Why?" 'Cause she had no arms.

Why did Sally go swimming? She didn't like not having arms.

Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally, she hasn't come back yet.

You are so ugly when your mum dropped you off at school, she got fined for littering.

My wife is so fat.

She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.