Off Jokes

If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?

The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.

What do emos and apples have in common? They both hang off trees.

I can’t take credit for this joke; it’s not mine.

Remember that time Joe Biden fell off his bike? He said it’s not his fault. He blamed the tires for being too inflated.

A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners.

“Come again!” says the woman behind the desk.

“No, it’s curry this time.”

Why did the turkey cross the road?

It was the chicken's day off!

There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.

One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.

I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!

My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.

I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."

What is a paedo's favourite time of year?

Halloween because they get free delivery.

Your uncle Jack is stuck on a horse.

Would you help your uncle "Jack" off the horse?

Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...

Would you help him jack off the horse?

A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."

The man asks, "Why?"

The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.

So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 truth ong fr 😂 Face with thing is funny or... 😂 😂 😂 😂 the

Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."

If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.

Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.

Abandon ship!

Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"

Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.

To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."

Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"