Off jokes
Jimmy Savile should have presented Pop off the Tops instead of Top of the Pops.
So I'm reading Hamlet, right? And then this one page they like, "Yo, like, Hamlet the fuck t tgo foff off KING speak, yo" π π π π π π π truth ong fr π Face with thing is funny or... π π π π the
Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."
If you kayak with a cap on and the kayak capsizes, whether or not the cap falls off depends on the cap size.
Well, we started off by ripping up ALL of the decking.
Abandon ship!
Memes
Yeah, she called me "Pledge" because I knocked the dust off it.
Whatβs something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tailβit'll be delighted!
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
All countries will get Covid.
Except China, they got it right off the bat.
Beer Bottle: You break me, you get one year of bad luck!
Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get seven years of bad luck!
Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
What does the word circumcise mean?
Cut off a boy's or a man's dick, or cut off a girl's or a woman's foreskin.
What's the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?
Just switch off the lights.
Why did Al Qaeda lose $100 on a bet?
They bet $100 that they wouldn't crash when they went through the Twin Towers.
My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
"Nun" means no one likes them. Just take off that dumb hood!