Numbers jokes

Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.

Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.

Why did all the numbers mourn 10? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.

What would you rate this woman?

A 7.

Why?

Because 7 ate 9!

Why couldn’t 3 ask 4 on a date?

Because he was 2 squared.

What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?

There are twenty of them.

What is the highest number?

420.

Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈

Trust your calculator. It's something to count on.

There are 10 types of people in this world.

Those that know binary and those that don't.

Can some hot depressed suicidal guy give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die?

What do you call an under-the-weather seven?

A sick seven.

Why do shepherds never learn to count?

Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.

I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.

A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"

Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!

Pick a number, syckkkkkkk, that’s the wrong number.

When I’m bored, I text a random number, “I hid the body... now what?”

What's the difference between Wacko Jacko and Elvis Presley?

14 number 1 hits.

Me: Can I get your mom's number?

Friend: Here you go:

Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.

1. You can't wash your eyes with soap.

2. You can't count your hair.

3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out.

4. You just tried number three.

5. When you tried number 3, you realized it was possible, only you look like a dog.

6. You're smiling right now because you realized you were fooled.

7. You skipped number 5.

8. You just checked if there was a number 5.

9. This is not my joke; all credit goes to Steps.