No jokes
A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses she missed very much.
She told her, "Hey, long time no see."
"I'm sorry," the doctor says, "you have a rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you, and you'll only be fed cheese and bologna."
"Will that cure me?" the patient asks.
"Well, no," the doctor replies, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door."
Me: U know the show called Imagine Dragons?
Friends: No, what is it?
Me: Imagine dragon this nuts across yo mouth.
Yo mama so stupid that she farted on yo face for no reason.
Why is there no woman on the moon?
Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.
Memes
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick Jill's candy.
Jack got a big shock with a mouth full of huge cock, because Jill's real name is Randy, and she had no candy, just he gave Jack a handy.
What do you call a person with no body and no nose? "Nobody knows."
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.
A little boy was given a bicycle and a soccer ball for his birthday, but why was the little boy unhappy?
Because the little boy had no legs.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves?
Russell
Person 1: Did you hear the joke bout 9/11?
Person 2: No, but it'll probably crash and burn.
You're so fat, no one was laughing, but the floor was cracking!
“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”
“No.”
“Neither have they.”
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
Q: Why can't orphans be gay?
A: They have no one to call "daddy."
I have no life, and I have no funny jokes.
Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."