Worst Jokes Ever

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons.

"My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don’t succumb to his sexual advances, I would have to jump out of the plane."

And his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?"

The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot's house.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

A baby seal walked into a club.

What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?

Chocolate arm.

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but thankfully, I turned myself around.

R.I.P. boiled water. You will be mist.

My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, "No, wait! I can change."

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."

"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me. It means a lot.

There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bartender here?"

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.