Worst Jokes Ever
Do you guys know how to make a hoe in Minecraft?
You pick it up off the street.
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
When a fat person wants to kill themselves, why are they so worried? The diabetes will get to them sooner or later!
What's Superman's weaknesses? Kryptonite and horses.
What is the best way to make a leaf?
Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
Why does new pavement smell like butt?
In other words you can also call it asphalt.
Ass-phalt.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
Why can't Tottenham open a restaurant? Because they have no silverware.
Take a water bottle, shake it, you got piss.
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he/she doesn't know where to run home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't hit home base.
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
What did the blind deaf kid get for Christmas? Cancer.
Is die?
Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.
Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.
Teacher: Why?
Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
What do you say to make a redhead mad?
Anything.