What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
What's a mentally retarded person's favorite color? Clear.
Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.
School sucks, just like you, get roasted nerds.
What's the difference between you and a fridge? The fridge doesn't moan when I put my meat in.
Q: What’s a koala's favorite drink?
A: Coca Koala.
What is a pup's favorite pizza?
Pupperoni
What do you call a person who died in war?
Little Johnny.
I (DYM 61).
My friend, what's up?
Me: What's up in space is planets and stars.
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
A girl asked me to eat her out one time... so I put her in the oven.
Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
"You're pretty, let me take you on a date!" Sike, I lied. You're ugly and fried. What you talking about?
Do not sort... that's bad... *sigh in depression*
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't know where home is.
"Where are you? [Because you] make me wanna throw up every time I see you."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You are so ugly, Do not tell me that is really you.
Little Johnny was in kindergarten, and his teacher said, "Okay, everyone, tomorrow you must come to school and recite the first three letters of the alphabet." Johnny didn't know the alphabet, so he decided to ask his family. He walked into the kitchen to find his mom on the phone. He says, "Mama, what's the first letter of the alphabet?" His mom doesn't notice him standing there and says, "If you don't shut the fuck up right now-" So he goes to find his brother watching TV, and he says, "Tommy, what's the second letter of the alphabet?" His brother doesn't notice him and says, "I'm Batman." So he went to his grandma who was knitting and says, "Grandma, what's the third letter of the alphabet?" The grandma then realizes she left her biscuits in the oven for too long and says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!" Satisfied with the answers given to him, he thinks it over and goes to school the next morning. When his teacher comes to Johnny, she says, "Johnny, what are the first three letters of the alphabet?" "If you don't shut the fuck up right now," Johnny says. "Who do you think you are, young man, to talk to someone like me that way?" the teacher asks. "I'm Batman," Johnny says. The teacher whups his ass, and little Johnny says, "My biscuits are burning! My Biscuits are burning!"
Later that day, he understands what happened and can't tell which was worse, that he accidentally cussed at his teacher or that his family was ignoring him.
