Worst Jokes Ever
Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.
Why was 2019 afraid of 2020?
Because they had a fight, and 2021.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support Windows.
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.
I hate it when people say age is only a number. Age is clearly a word.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.
How do flat-earthers travel?
On a plane.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7's and 8's.
I don't get why bakers aren't wealthier. They make so much dough.
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.
Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable!
My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.