I made a website for orphans. You know what I did not add? A home page.
My teacher walked up to the emo kid and told him, "I like your striped red and tan gloves." And she asked, "Where did you get them?" The emo kid replied, "Oh, I made the red stripes myself."
I told her she needed to put her dog on a leash, and her boyfriend is still on a leash to this day. 😮💨
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.
What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?
There are twenty of them.
How do you get a retard out of a tree?
Wave at them.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
If the UK is 6 hours ahead of us, why didn't they just warn us about 9/11?
Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"
Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"
The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"
Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."
The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."
Humor is like skin; the darker it gets, the less people like it.
Pulled pork? Yeah, I cranked my hog today, too.
A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.
Home Covid Test.
1: Open a can of beer and try to smell it.
2: If you can smell the beer, drink it to see if you can taste it.
3: If you can taste it and smell it, this confirms you don't have Covid.
Last night, I did the test 15 times and all were negative. Tonight I am going to do the test again because this morning I woke up with a headache and feeling like I am coming down with something.
I am so nervous.
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and a mask at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation.
Ever wonder how a Jehovah’s Witness spreads their word during Covid?
Now that you’re here, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ?
COVID-19 is like pasta.
Asians invented it, Italians spread it.
COVID is like fashion...
We started hearing about it in Italy...
Became popular in LA and NYC...
Florida ignored it...
And it was all made in China in the end.
My girlfriend got COVID.
This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.
