My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a "get well soon" card with each one of them!
What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?
Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."
The thing about 9/11 and the jokes about it, for most people it flew over their head, for some it flew into their head.
I went to a 90 minute prostitute once. She was a whore and a half, I tell ya!
My sister Wani is a dwarf, so I sit on her as a chair.
Any joke that I make about 9/11 has a tendency to crash and burn.
Boyfriend: "Babe, are you traffic police?"
Girlfriend: "No."
Boyfriend: "Then why do you shout at me for not wearing a helmet?"
Teacher: Tell me a moral story.
Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.
Teacher: What is the moral even?
Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears? Anything you want — he can’t hear you
I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.
My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!
If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
How do you make a body disappear?
You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!
P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.
What planet has a butt? Uranus!
What is worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
Why do orphans love violent video games like GTA?
They never had parents to protect them from it.
A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?
The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.
The Titanic before the iceberg be like: "We can't go under it, we gotta go through it!"
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
