So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.
That’s the punch line.
So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.
Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
What's the difference between Clark Kent and chicken noodle?
One is Super. The other is just soup.
Why can't an orphan have sex? They have no one do call daddy
My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.
I told him my dad never came back with it.
What do a family dollar and a orphan they have a f in it for family
I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
I always knew that Maranda Sings was orbiting Uranus.
How come your sister is hotter than you? Funny, huh?
When Kobe's pilot hit the mountain, he said, "Kobe."
Why did the female orphan become a prostitute
Because she wanted someone to call "daddy".
(apologies if I repeated it, I thought of it this afternoon.
How often do emos go swimming in a lifetime?
Just once.
Why did one emo say to the other?
"I like your cuts, G."
what goes in hard comes out soft a toothbrush
Latias is red.
Latios is blue.
You should always remember to put up your curtains because I Pikachu.
My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.
Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"
Where are your parents? Oh, behind you? Not any more.
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.
If you're looking at this, then look behind you!
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
