New Jokes - Page 813 - Worst Jokes Ever

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

I told my friend you should definitely quit smoking, but he could not find me because he was already up in flames.

Your Nan is dead

I'm emo, by the way.

Your momma is so hairy that when you were born, you got rug burn.

Hey can you PUTIN DEEZ NUTZ

One thing you can ask Mario:

"Can you jump up and down for me?"

What did Nemo say to the emo?

"Be careful, you can't Nemo your way out of emo."

I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"

What thing can jump the highest?

Emo kids some of them are still in the air

I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.

What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

I ate Nemo.

Why can’t orphans not play baseball because They can’t find home

You know the Twin Towers employees were supposed to meet a good football team. Instead, they just met the Jets.

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

So my ex, who wouldn't leave me alone because she thought I was the best person in the world even though Will has a better haircut than me, but anyway, when we broke up she said I was the worst person she ever met, and I told her she looks like a cross between a beaver and a mole rat.

Then I told her she has the Wendy's logo haircut and then some other things I'm not gonna say. 2 years of bullshit, I was done.

Anyways, she cried lol.