Worst Jokes Ever

Do you know Biden?

Biden on these nuts.

It's a tower.

No, it's a plane.

Me: Nope, it's 9/11.

Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.

Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.

Thank God I went on the tenth.

Dear disabled people, simply go to settings and enable it.

I was on an orphan's website, but I pressed on his profile and realized he had no home page.

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Orphans don't get picked.

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?

The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!

Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."

Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"

What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?

A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.

How do women make you a millionaire?

When you're a billionaire.

What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.

He had the curse of vanishing.