Just buy emo grass, then you will never have to mow your lawn again.
Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.
I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.
what do you call a teacher who never farts in public? A private tutor.
It was raining sadly all day my wife my 2 daughters and me stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died
Wife:😭😭😭I wish this never happened
Mia our first daughter: momy it’s ok I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby our second daughter: I love u all only if you guys die I won’t but I love you when ur alive 😉😏
Me husband: what kind of nonsense was that you love us when we’re alive but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except abby: abby this is serious mommy’s mother and father died. says Mia: yes your mom is sadly down right now you made her more sad😡🤬.says dad:sniffs* abby I had made a discussion I will take to an orphanage I am sorry 😣 when I amd better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back.says mom:
This was not a joke I just did this for Love 💕
i always ask gay people what lgbtq means but i never get a straight answer
A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably.
Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"
Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"
Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"
Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."
Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."
Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"
Demon: "You a smoker?"
Guy: "You better believe it."
Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"
Guy: "Golly."
Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."
Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."
Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."
Guy: "Wow."
Demon: "You like to do drugs?"
Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."
Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"
Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"
Demon: "You gay?"
Guy: "Uh, no."
Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."
Never challenge death to a pillow fight.
Unless you're prepared for the reapercushions.
Why do orphans live on buses?
They never have a home to stop at.
Why did Stephen hawking die
Cause he would never look both ways
What goes up but never goes down
My grades
(i wish)
Hey, I never knew we had a planet in our body!
Why are Liverpool not disabled friendly?
They never walk alone.
Your hairline is gone because you never bathed or brushed.
Charlen's hairline is sooooo fat because it was never brushed.
Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?
They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.
People say my dad left me and was never successful, but if you search up who destroyed the Twin Towers, he will pop up.
Also, my mom's great grandpa killed Hitler.
Orphans are pretty tough. I mean, you never see them running home...
Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."
If Shaquille O’Neal had a boat, he would’ve named it Freethrow, because he will never sink it.
