Museum

Museum Jokes

Friend

The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."

Supermarket

I walked into a supermarket to get some ordinary clothes for the wife. Then I realized I was in a rape museum.

Police

Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"

Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.

Mama

Yo mama so old, her photos are in a museum and her friends are in a graveyard.

Mama

Yo mama's so old, she walked out of a museum and the alarm went off.

Mom

Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.

Hitler

There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”

Clock

I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks.

"This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied."

"This is your clock. It moved 3 times because you lied 3 times."

I asked where is President Trump's clock. He said it was at the equator, spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true!

Clock

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where’s Trump’s clock?"

"Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

Nazi

You walk inside a building, then you see a blind German, then you call him his name.

Answer: Nazi.

Meme

If museums are full of dead things...

Then why aren't there any memes inside them?

Clock

Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."

"Oh, cool."

"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

"Makes sense."

"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

"Where's Trump's clock?"

"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

  • 6
  • Dinosaur

    Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.

  • 3
  • Clothing

    The Smithsonian has 3 notable articles of clothing on display: Mr. Rodger's sweater, Jerry Seinfeld's puffy shirt, and Stephen Hawking's drool rag.

    Suicide

    Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?

    Museum girl: Committing suicide.

    Allan: What about Friday night?

  • 2
  • Cow

    Where do cows keep their historical cultural artifacts?

    In the mooseum.