I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful like cyanide
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence
Why do they call my dick section 8?
Because all the hoes are on it
Have you driven through Dealey plaza it will blow your mind~john f. Kennedy
Have you seen the inside of Ford's theatre it will blow your mind~abraham Lincoln
Husband:can we try anal tonight Wife: fuck that shit Husband:that's the spirit
If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.
Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard
Went swimming today and peed in the deep end the lifeguard saw me blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in
I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed anyone know cpr? I said shit I know all the letters of the alphabet. Everyone laughed well except for this 1 guy
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing
Woman gets pulled over by a cop Cop: ma'am have you been drink Lady: no officer Cop: what's that in your cup then ma'am Lady: just water officer Cop: looks like wine to me Lady: oh my god Jesus did it again
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child if you don't believe me I can pop my trunk
My mother was so sad after my grandpas death she went into the bathroom with my uncle and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on saying that she was pregnant.
Friends are like bananas. If you peel their skin off and eat them, they die.
I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL! I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
who needs april fool when your life is a joke...
I had a huge crush on this girl when I was eight, one recess we met together on the playground and she brought me to the corner of the playground, that was my first kiss and from there it got serious. I told my parents a week later and they freaked out, called the police and they aressted my crush. I miss Mrs. Johnson
im required by law to tell you i am a regesterd sex offender
So i asked my mom for a bath bomb she just gave me a toaster
