Morbid jokes
Q: Who is Tracy Latimer's least favorite rapper?
A: Monoxide Child.
I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.
What do you get when you cross a Cuban and corrupt dictator, Fidel Castro?
One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.
I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!
White people: *come to America, meet natives and take food, kill them, rape them, and enslave them.*
Natives: Can y-
White people: Hey, you remember all that horrible sh*t we did to you? Let's have a good laugh about it over dinner with your buddies and my new wives.
I don't understand the plane crash at 9/11. My dad was a great pilot!
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat children into the fire.
Someone dies.
Break a wine glass: I give you bad luck for a year.
Break a mirror: Funny wine glass, I give you bad luck for 7 years.
Breaking a condom: Haha so funny mirror.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
What do you call it when a girl on her period goes swimming?
A blood bath.
I went up to a priest and asked if he participated in NNN. He replied, "How can I, with all these people calling me daddy?"
Guess how I'm getting laid tonight?
"I'm stronger than you."
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
When I saw a dead body on the ground and my editor was filming, I told him to censor that a-hole. When I saw the completed product, he censored me. Then I killed him.
Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?
To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
Why did Sally fall off the swings?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally!
Q: What did I find on my son's search history?
A: Where is the nearest gun shop?