Morbid jokes

I blend children to make a good living.

I work at a morgue and we wrap the bodies in bubble wrap.

I was working the night shift and just looking at the security cameras, but then I heard popping behind me!

What do women and moldy bread have in common?

A yeast infection.

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not, he got nailed before he died!

Hey, wanna hear an abortion joke? Never mind, I can't deliver it.

"Why do people call Americans excessive?"

"It was probably because of WWII."

"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"

So I found out a rainbow is basically where a guy ejaculates in a female's mouth and she swallows her period juice and they both kiss each other, swishing it together in each other's mouth, and it forms a rainbow.

And a strawberry shortcake is basically where a dude ejaculates on a female's face and then punches her in the nose, causing her to bleed. That's why it's called a strawberry shortcake.

What do you call a mariachi band sinking in Mayonnaise?

Cinco De Mayo.

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?

A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.

One of the most popular documentaries of the 2010’s was “Jiro Dreams of Sushi.”

One of the least popular documentaries was “Jiro’s Nightmare of Ass-Rape.”

I don't see why Africans complain about not having water. They have free chocolate milk.

Humans and sharks have something in common: the great ones are always white.

Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. Not everyone gets it.

Two people are under the covers. The man says, "Quote the Beatles: Come together!"

My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the retard's house.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

This isn't ketchup.

What do you call a blind German?

A not see.

Why did Jack throw his alarm clock out the window?

Because it reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man who was accused of knife-raping his wife.