Morbid jokes

Morbid jokes

Murder

What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!

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  • Brother

    Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.

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  • Salute

    The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.

    The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.

    The French salute starts with your hands in the air.

    The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.

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  • Penis

    One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

    The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

    Life

    Hi, my name isn't Pi.

    Look up at the sky and wonder why.

    Why are you alive?

    Superman

    A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.

    The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

    Son

    Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?

    Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.

    Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.

    Foot

    Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.

    Woman

    I like my woman like I like my coffee: in a big sack on top of a donkey.

    Baby

    What sound does a baby make when you put it in a blender? I don’t know. I was too busy wanking.

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  • Word

    When a white person says the n word,

    black people: "Y'all mother fu...rs ain't gonna believe dis shit."

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  • Girlfriend

    My girlfriend passed away recently.

    At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.

    Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.