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Month jokes

Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”

“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”

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    • "Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."

    If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?

    Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

    The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

    Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."

    I heard he's doing a revival tour next month. It's called "Stephen Hawking Unplugged."

    The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."

    Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.

    Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".

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