Mom's jokes

What did the mom say to the baby?

Me and my mom order Chinese food.

My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."

So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"

And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."

Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"

And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."

And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"

Ur mom gay.

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

One time this kid came back from school and said, "Mom I have one good news and one bad news, which one do you wanna hear first?" And his mom said, "Good news please," and the boy said, "I got 100% on my math test today." and his mom gave him a hug, and the boy said, "Now to the bad news, I LIED!"

Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.

But she has to. She's his mom.

Your mom is so stupid, she thought eating ass was cannibalism.

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

You mom.

Mom, I’m pregnant.

Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.

My mom said that I don't listen to homophones, but then I said, "No, I listen to headphones."

Your mom shat you out after having Taco Bell. That’s why she calls you a little shat.

My mom walks in a bar and the bartender says "water?" saying "we only sell beer!"

Last night I had a dream of lead, but your mom won't let me tell you.

You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.

These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

He'll probably leave her alone now.

He doesn't eat vegetables.

Your mom is gay, just like your dad.