English is weird. -- It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? SPARERIBS
What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words...
"Lazy."
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?
Sans: wow. seems you’re really working yourself... down to the bone!
I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to change a light bulb? -- Obviously not 8, because its still dark in my basement.
What sucks but doesn't suck?
Vacuums!
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a sea-saw
knock knock who's there? depression.. that's my best friend.
Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince.
What is a pedophiles favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the first period.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
How do you cover 12 holes with one hole? -- Take a flute and shove it up your ass.
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? -- It was given two consecutive sentences.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
i had a dream about the whole ocean was filled with orange soda
turns out it was a fanta sea
