Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
Miscellaneous Jokes
What's green and furry?
Fiona from Shrek.
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?
Snowballs.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner!
Helen Keller walked into a bar.
Then a table.
Then a chair.
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Your mom is so fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
What’s Steven Hawking's fav[orite] food?
WiFi chips or his shoulder?
I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog in it. It was a shih tzu.
Add me on Snapchat for streaks: Loganlytton.
Q: What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A pool table.
The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me... how dairy!
What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?
Barack Obama.
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a "fret."
I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a fret.
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.
Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.
