Miscellaneous jokes
Me: Hey Joe, updog.
Joe: What?
Me: Updog.
Joe: What's updog?
*Facepalms*
Me: Lol in the corner.
I used to be an adventurer like you, then I took a dick in the ass.
How many times does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Tentacles!
Mom: You need to grow up. You're so immature.
Me: *glares* Get out of my castle....
Mom: It's a pillow fort.
Me: Why can't I have an imagination! ?
Mom: You're almost 19 years old.
Me: Not good enough... OUT!
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
Q: You know what's morbid at a storage sale?
A: They give you more bids.
How do you confuse Helen Keller? You rearrange the furniture and glue doorknobs to the walls.
My family.
I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
A retard walks into a bar.
Bartender: Hey, retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard retard!
Thank you for listening to joke, sincerely - Jokeman87848584
Donald Trump is, like, really orange.
Nobody:
Me: "Nobody:" "Me:"
Stephen Hawking got an engine swap with a Nissan 350Z, and they said his wheelchair wasn't street legal :/
Why did half of the world not see Avengers: Endgame?
Because half of them were Thanos snapped in Avengers: Infinity War.
Do you think the ocean is salty because the beach never waves back?
A mom says to her son: "Hey, can you wave to that deaf kid over there?"
The son: "I don't know, can I?"
The mom: "May you?"
The son: "No, I don't have any arms!"
What is you you?
There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.