Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"
My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.
An emo girl dyed her hair red.
Where does her hairline start? Her wrist.
I threw a lamp at a depressed kid and tried to brighten up his day.
What do emo kids like to smoke?
"Marjuanakillmyself."
My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.
That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.
Remember, if you are suffering from paranoia...
You are not alone.
Why is the record for longest jump kept by an emo?
They're still hanging.
if i die does my depression die with me?
What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.
I went to go hang out with the emo kids, but they already did.
How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Don't ever tell somebody depressed to try again.
What do you say to a depressed person on the ceiling?
Hang in there!
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
I was in cooking class and my teacher said, "Does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?"
Me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.
Long story short, the teacher understood the joke, and now we are both in daily therapy. ðŸ˜ðŸ’€
Just because you‘re suicidal, you don‘t have to be a quitter.
Wait, actually.
