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Three nuns died in a car crash. They went up to heaven at the pearly gates. The gatekeeper said, "This really should not have happened, so I am going to send you back to earth as different people. Tell me who you want to be or look like." The first nun said, "I want to look like Madonna." Puff, you look like her now, but you can’t use her name. And sent her down to earth. The second one said, "I want to look like Marilyn Monroe." He then makes her look like her and sends her down to earth. The third nun said, "I want to look like Sarah Pipalini." The gatekeeper says to her, "Sarah Pipalini, who is that?" She gives the gatekeeper a newspaper article. He reads it, shakes his head no, and says, "It’s not Sarah Pipalini, it's Sahara pipeline laid by 500 men."

  • 3

    • Catholic men say eating broccoli is like anal sex.

    If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.

  • 0

    • Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.

    The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"

    "Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."

    I saw two men wearing the same clothing and walking together, so I asked both of them if they were gay. They did not hesitate arresting me after I said that.

  • 3

    • I woke up one night to a strange noise, and when I went to investigate what it was, I found out that it was coming from my parents' room.

    I looked inside and counted, ok one, two, three finger men and my mom, so nothing out of the ordinary, so then I checked my sister's room, and I counted 4 other women in the room, but then I realized that the sound was coming from right in front of me. It was my dad giving me a BJ the whole time.

    Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”

  • 8

    • Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"

    The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"

    The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"

    The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"

    Men, get into the kitchen and make me a sandwich!

    Women, go chop some lumber!

    White people, get back into the cotton fields!

    Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

    Son: "Nah, mostly men."

    Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

    The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"

    The Son: "Because milk is important."

    The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"

    The Boy: "Who?"

    The Man: "Your mom?"

    The Boy: "I don't have a mom."

    The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."

    The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.