Many jokes

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan.

Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.

Why do so many people get charged with rape? Because they are too stupid to finish her off and bury the body.

How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?

I don't know, I can never see them.

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?

Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."

Virginia is false advertising. Couldn't find many virgins there.

What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.

Why is there no gambling in Africa?

Too many Cheetahs.

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

None, that's a hardware problem.

How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?

She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.