Many jokes

Me: I named my dog Five Miles so I can tell people I walk five miles every day.

Old man: I ran over five miles today.

How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?

How many children does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Not 27, because my basement is still dark.

Why does the mushroom 🍄 have many friends?

Because it’s a fungi.

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on Twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb.

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just Juan.

Kobe ended so many games with threes. Now he ends his life with trees.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? That's a silly question. Feminists can't change anything.

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

Get a calculator.

Okay, anyways, Sally has 69 bottles of boobs (because she is a cannibal that collects boobs) and her friend said it was 222 many. She got caught by the police and was taken to 51st Street. She got arrested for x8 days, so she was BOOBLESS.

Virginia is false advertising. Couldn't find many virgins there.

Why is Kanye West's haircut actually years of work by many doctors to piece together skull fragments like a jigsaw puzzle?

Because Kanye once interrupted Chuck Norris on the set of "Walker Texas Ranger."

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

What do you call it when everyone of your friends makes too many dumb Covid jokes? A pundemic.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

How many times does Ariana Grande knock at the door?

She doesn’t, she just uses 7 rings.

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

How many men does it take to open a bottle of beer?

A: None, it should be opened by the time she brings it.

I have so many orphan jokes. I'm afraid most of them won't hit home.