Man: aw man im having a bad day Man's friend:same Man:so why did you have a bad day my brother got hit by the school bus Man's friend: i got fired as a bus driver Man: oh great heavens
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left. The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?” The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest. On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesnt experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place." So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his Re-seeding Heirline.
I like Christmas. It’s the holiday where an old man breaks into people’s homes so he can give them toys. :) yaaaaay 😁
why are all asians so skinny? Because last time there was a fat man a whole population disappeared
A man is consoling his nine year old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted,
"You need to be more careful" he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."
They say give a man an inch he'll take a mile what about women they don't have Dick's
Man: how tall is a penguin?
Bartender: about three foot why?
Man: o shit the Bible bashing nuns I fucking hit one
Poor car
*America shoots down balloon* China* You killed a innocent man!! USA* what?! China* yes, he was a famous sumo wrestler.
How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb? 9: one to screw the lightbulb, one to film it, one to post about it on a women empowerment social media page, one to complain that the man didn’t screw the lightbulb, one to say that women deserve to screw more lightbulbs, one to try to get #womenlightbulbscrewers trending on twitter, one to bring a man and show him the screwing, one to say that women are better than men at screwing lightbulbs, and one to make a speech about the lightbulb
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh how did I survive. Fortunately being her husband I was the 1 person she wasn't fucking.
i hate school, i mean why CAN'T you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone including the teachers?! this generation is to soft man.
I pushed a man in a wheelchair into a fire now we call him hot wheels
how do you surprise 50 year old man? by putting a 12 inch dick through his ass. He said " best surprise ever"
how do you suprise a blind man by putting a plunger in the toilet
Your hairline so far back that if you wore yellow people would think you were one punch man
I told a Chinese man, which is better, Cats or dogs. He said dogs. I say why? He said because dogs tasted better Than cats
What do you call it when a man named ned works at panera bread
Panera Ned
Im on a roll with my jokes rn
