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And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes whack "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" whack.

Kid !: What are you doin? Kid 2: Laying in my bed! Kid 1: Naked? Kid 2: Yes Ld 1: Show me! Kid 2: Its dark! Kid 1: Still show me! Kid 2 Ok-


Son: What's for dinner tonight? Mon: Steak! Son: Mom you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me? Mim: HUNGER!

Kid 1: Words can describe how ugly you are. Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are. Kid 1: Aw, thx! Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10

Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me? Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you! Kid 1: Aw, do you love me? Kid 2: No!

I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.

If the sun is 9n space, then why is there light on earth, but not in space?

Hey guts I have a question. Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Than what is halloween?

if earth is the 3rd planet from the sun, does that mean that every country us a 3rd world country?