I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger, then it hit me.
And God said to John, "Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What did the full glass say to the empty glass? "You look drunk."
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes whack "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" whack.
Son: What's for dinner tonight? Mon: Steak! Son: Mom you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me? Mim: HUNGER!
Kid 1: Words can describe how ugly you are. Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are. Kid 1: Aw, thx! Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me? Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you! Kid 1: Aw, do you love me? Kid 2: No!
I went to a book store yesterday and I saw a book that said "how to solve 50% of your problems." So I bought 2.
If the sun is 9n space, then why is there light on earth, but not in space?
What do you call it when you baptize a mexacan? Bean dip!
Hey guts I have a question. Doesn't everyone's parents tell them don't take candy from strangers? Than what is halloween?
if earth is the 3rd planet from the sun, does that mean that every country us a 3rd world country?
How do u make holy water? You boil the hell out of it!