Maintenance jokes
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
How do you make a dishwasher work again?
Smack her ass and say "get back to work!"
What’s the difference between women and cars?
At least cars retain some of their value after getting wrecked.
There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?
Bro, yesterday this bird made the weirdest chirp. It sounded something like this:
"Error code 6, 4, 4, 2, sound: bird call, failed to play, government drone 0, 7, 7, 5 requires maintenance."
Anyone know what bird that is?
What do women and screen doors have in common? The more you bang them, the looser they get.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack.
How do you cut your grass without a lawnmower?
You dye it blue and it will cut itself.
Why do sisters have to be in a relationship? Because you don’t have to worry about your car.
"OK, son," he says. "It's as easy as counting to 5."
1. Pull down your pants. 2. Pull back your foreskin. 3. Pee in the toilet. 4. Put your foreskin back. 5. Pull up your pants.
From then on, every time the boy goes to the toilet, he counts from 1 to 5. One day, the father noticed his son was taking quite some time in the toilet. He went to check on him and overheard his son saying, "2,4,2,4,2,4,2,4."
It’s really hard to maintain a good body lately, unless you put it in a freezer.
Roses are red, Obama is well spoken, I'm sorry sir, but the ice cream machine is broken.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
Q: Why don't cars work after you change their wheels?
A: Because they're retired!
How many homeless guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
“You’re telling me there’s change in a lightbulb?”
Uranus is blue from lack of service.
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.
How are guys and tile floors alike?
If you lay them right the first time you can walk all over them for years.
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?