Magic jokes
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a bar. The bartender told them there was a magic mirror in the bathroom. He said that if you spoke the truth in front of the mirror, you would have your greatest desires, but if you told a lie, you would disappear.
The redhead said that she was the prettiest girl in the bar, and she walked out of the bathroom, and she got a thousand dollars. The brunette walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar. She walked out of the bar with a new car. The blonde went in, she said, "I think..." poof, she was gone.
What do you call a magic car?
A human.
What do you call a Pokémon that wants to be a police officer?
Magic-cop!
A man was forced off the Eiffel Tower, but he flew back up.
The executioners asked, "How'd you do that?"
He said, "I had magic chips. Here, take some."
They eat them, jump off, and die.
He asks for more chips, and the guy says, "You're a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman!"
My teacher asks all of us in class, "What is your favorite thing in the world?"
Josh: Cookies.
Jacob: My parents.
Erika: My Friends!
Brody: Lamborghinis.
Me: Pulling over in a car in the middle of nowhere at night with my girlfriend and getting in the back seat where the magic happens... ;-)
My Teacher: Ok, everyone that was all good...WAIT A DANG SECOND!
*Everyone Looks at Me With A Weird Face....
What is the difference between a human and a tree? A human can walk, and a tree 🌳 cannot walk.
What is a car?
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trump’s wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him.
The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes, but he wasn’t really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trump’s friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trump’s friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, “Aww, I’m lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!”
What type of candy does the most magic?
Twix!
What is a home that can fly?
A magic house!
What do you call a woman with magical abilities and an android? Wanda Maximoff and Vision! Or.... Scarlet Witch and Vision! This joke was added to celebrate and honour Marvel Studios' new series: WandaVision!
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
I like my new... e-a-tree and a tree that is a magic house and a tree tree and a...
What is the difference between a human and a magic car 🚗?
A magic car can fly, and a house 🏡 cannot fly.
What do you call a magic car that I can do to help me out for you and I will be doing a great day?
What time is it when you get home? Can you walk, walk home? Was your night night? You had fun? I had dinner, night time, and a tree. I had dinner. Is it a magic time? Dinner! I have been home. Was good.
What is the difference between a human and a magic house?
To the Earth, is the human body of the human being human? Is it human? Human can be the one day today after the night is the snow time and a.
What kind of house 🏠 can fly? A magic house 🏠!
What is a big animal 🦓? A bat 🦇!
What do you call a magician with no magic? A dyslexic c**t.