Lot jokes

Your hairline and your forehead must have a lot in common because they go waaaaaaaayyy back!

Why do white people own a lot of pets?

Because they're not allowed to own people anymore.

Deaf people suck lots of dicks.

They can't hear!

A gay man enters a bar. At the counter, he sees a skinhead sitting, which he somehow finds cute. He gathers all his courage, goes to the skinhead and whispers to him, "Do you want a blowjob?"

The skinhead punches the gay man in the face with his fist, causing him to go down. Then he drags him outside into the parking lot and kicks him again with his boots before going back inside and sitting down at the counter.

"Man," says the bartender, "but you beat him up quite a bit! What did the man even say to you that you were so freaked out?"

"I don't know," replies the skinhead, "something about a job..."

So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.

Then I told him, "What are you doing?"

He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.

He then told me how easy would that be?

I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."

The radio is a player—it always gets turned on by lots of different people.

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

Best way to kiss someone is to lick inside their mouth with your tongue a lot of times, and they will really like it, especially me!! - lizard kiss+ french kiss= SloBbY Kiss.

Thanks for learning and getting advice.

Also, don't be such a horny one!

They don’t have to invest a lot into the Stephen Hawking wax statue, though.

Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?

It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.

Why are vaginas and the Mariana Trench similar? Lots of seamen go missing there.

I don't understand why the Twin Towers were super upset.

Their pizza just got there a lot faster by plane.

A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

If Jesus told you to trust everyone, that must be why there are a lot of kidnappings.

How many babies does it take to make dinner?

Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.

A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.

"What are you doing all day?"

"Knot a lot."

A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."

The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"

The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"

The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."

I have a lot of respect for trans women.

That surgery takes balls!

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.