Your hairline is so pushed back it looks like Will Smith slapped it back.
Your head is so big, it looks like traffic is able to fit on it!
You look too old to be living with your grandma.
Magician: "I am the greatest magician in the whole world. Look, now you see the rabbit in the hat, and now it is gone!"
Redneck girl: "That's nothing. My dad is the greatest magician! He disappears for a whole year and reappears at Christmas for a couple of hours!"
I am awesome, look at me!
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.
Itβs weird, I couldβve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.
Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.
One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.
What do me and a blind person have in common after I look at Alfie's mum?
We're both blind.
If you tried to look at your hairline in a mirror, it would shatter into 100,000,000,000 pieces.
Egg shaped, dome, bowling ball lookin' ass, bald fuck with that 360 degrees ahh head, motherfucker look like a damn balloon.
Call me Kobe 'cause I'm finna use your head as a basketball and throw it at yo' parents. Mr. Clean, bootleg Saitama lookin' ass mfer. No hair? :(
I looked so deep in the dark web, I started to see Tyrone.
I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
Yo hairline so long, it makes you look like Mr. Clean.
Plastic bags look like you, dirty and fake.
