Look jokes
My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.
I miss the good old days when you could have a light joke at someone else's expense. Like doing that marital rape thing, it never used to be called that. It used to be called "serving your husband" or "wifely duties". The real joke is that it was legal until 1990.
Why is that a joke?
Because it is piss funny seeing the look on her face when she wakes up in the middle of coitus.
Why is that a joke?
Dude, come on, you want to start your day off happy or not?
Why is that a joke?
She literally looks like she just seen a ghost and sort of flops about trying to fend you off like a rag doll. It's piss funny.
No seriously, dude, why is that a joke? It sounds more like a felony.
Your hairline is so ugly it looks worse than your mom's.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
Procrastination
It looks like a runner bean, only smaller.
From the makers of Mangeone...
I was looking forward to reading the short jokes to see if I could find my uncle.
August 2020: LeafyIsHere gets terminated on Youtube for harassing Pokimane.
Billy, a toxic kid in Leafy's fanbase: "Imane's life is a joke, that's why I call her Jokeimane."
A person who simps for Pokimane: "And you look like you came from a farm, Hillbilly."
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.
McNeill's mom wrote a shopping list for supper:
cabbage _50
Carrots-50
Cooking fat -100
Onions_20
Tomato-20
salt-10
Total=250
She gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients.
McNeill took long to return home from the shopping.
His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long. McNeill answered, "I have all the ingredients, but I'm looking for total."
Me: Hey! Look at my drawing of deez!
My babysitter: Very nice! But, uh, what’s deez?
Me: (¬‿¬)
I went out with this girl the other night. She wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
Yo mama so ugly, she made One Direction go the other direction.
I saw some terrorists on Family Feud. It looked like they had three strikes!
When a pregnant lady gives birth, it looks like she is having an erection.
I wasn't looking at you, your big forehead was distracting me.
My friend's mom once told me that when Trump was elected president, she said to my friend: "Hey look, an orange became president. We got an orange as a president before a girl as president."