Parent

Anonymous

One day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. Little Johnny asked, “Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?” His grandpa replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” “No”, said Little Johnny. His grandpa replied, “Then you’re not old enough.” The next day, Little Johnny saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, “Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer?” His grandpa replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” “No” said Little Johhny. “Then you’re not old enough.” his grandpa replied. The next day, Little Johnny was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, “Can I have some of your cookies?” Little Johnny replied, “Can your penis reach your asshole?” His grandpa replied, “It most certainly can!” Little Johnny replied, "Then go fuck yourself

8

Alphabet

I_Is_Cow

Teacher tests Little Johnny, “OK, Johnny, create a sentence which starts with ‘I’.” Little Johnny confidently starts, “I is…” Teacher snaps, “No, Little Johnny. You must always say, ‘I am’.” Little Johnny sighs, “Yes ma’am. ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’"

0

Minutes

No Honey for a month

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee, his dad sees this and says “i saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks.” Johnny replies “i don’t care, i don’t like honey anyway.” About fifteen minutes later little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says " i saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little johnny replies “I don’t care, i don’t like butter anyway.” Both little johnny and his dad go in for dinner, johnny’s mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. little johnny looks and smiles and says “do you want to tell her or should i?”

Night

Anonymous

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy ‘Darling how does my dictate’ "

6

Bank

FUNNYKIDSCHOOLJOKES

One day at school, Little Johnny and his friends were asked to do a sheet of paper which said, “Put a matching word from the word bank into the slot in the sentence that makes it make sense.” But when the teacher marked Little Johnny’s papers, she asked why he put the word bank in every slot. And he says, “Well teacher, you said to put a word from the word Bank and that’s one word! So I had no choice but to put down that word!”

Parent

Ayyyyyy

Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

Minutes

Anonymous

One day in class little Johnny was mucking around not listening to the teacher after 5 minutes the teacher caught him and finsh what she said and said little Johnny if you weren’t listening what was the last thing I said and little Johnny replied back you said what was the last thing I said

Guy

xzavier

Hey guys I’m back just wondering if any one is still on this that wants me to make more

Darkness

Anonymous

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.” Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.” Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

I’m in school lol.

Check

Anonymous

Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.Dad: Rubing on the horse’s chest and butt.Little Johnny: what are you doing? Dad: checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it. Little Johnny: Oh well I think the mall man wants to buy mom.

Train

Foxdeerbunny00

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says” alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here” his mom comes rushing in and says” little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!” After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says,” ok, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in be kitchen”

High

U make me barf

The teacher asked her class to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. “The sky is definitely blue.” “Very good Kevin,but the sky can also be blue or black.” the teacher replied. Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him. And picked Annie from the back of the room. “The grass is definitely green.” “Very good Annie, but it can also be brown.” Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally she called on him. “Mines more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?” “Why no Johnny why would you ask such a question?” She questioned. “Well if they don’t have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself.”

7

Sally

Anonymous

Theres a kid named little Johnny who would always cuss. Well one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said “lets play a game”. so the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. teacher says “A” little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself “well he might say something like a$$” so the teacher calls on sally. sally say “apple”. the teacher says “B” little Johnny raises his hand. the teacher though “no he might say something like b!tch”. so the teacher goes all the way to R. the teacher says “R” little Johnny raises his hand and say “me me please I really know one”. then the teacher thinks to herself “well theres no cuss word that starts with R” so she said “ok Johnny give me a word that starts with R” little Johnny says “a rat!” and the teacher very pleased say “very good Johnny what type of rat” little Johnny says “A big gosh damn mother freaker”. sorry I had to edit some word but y’all know what I meant.

Kid

Anonymous

Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!” Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?” Source: http://jokesfan.com/little-johnny-jokes.html

Baby

Anonymous

Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?" His mother replies, "The stork brings them." Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, “Then who fucks the stork?”

0

Eating

rain drops

Little johnnys teacher asks him “Johnny ,do you pray before you eat?” little johnny says "I dont need to, my mum makes good food.

Sister

🏳️‍🌈 Audrey 🏳️‍🌈

Little Johnny’s sister Suzy sees her mom in the shower and asks what is that between your legs? Her mom responds, “That is my garage”. The next day Suzy sees her dad in the shower and says, “What is that between your legs?” Her dad answers, “It is a motorcycle that gets parked in mommy’s garage.” The next day Suzy came to dinner with blood all over her hands. Her mom asks, “Why is there blood all over your hands Suzy?” Suzy says, " Well… little Johnny tried to put his motorcycle in my garage so I ripped its wheels off."

Woman

Mr. Nuclear/little johnny

So Johnny was working at a deli, a woman walks up and asks, do you have any salad? Johnny says no, she asks? What about carrots? Again Johnny says no, she says what about bananas? Johnny says “tell ya what, spell out “lad” in salad” she spells L A D, Johnny replies “spell “rot” in carrot” she spells R O T, Johnny says “now spell “fuck” in vegetables or fruits” she says “there is no fuck in vegetables or fruits” Johnny exclaims “thats what ive been trying to tell you!”

High

koko

the teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make mooo said sally good job said the teacher what sound does a sheep make baa said jack good now what sound does a pig make little johnny raised his hand really high in the sky the teacher called him he said the pig says get on the ground and put ur hands on ur head u black moterfucker

Cold

Little Johnny

Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face and he asks her “why are you rubbing that stuff on your face mother?” His mother replies “to make myself beautiful Johnny.” A few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her “What is the matter? Are you giving up?”