Lift Jokes

Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off”. In the end I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

Why do ghosts love elevators, they lift their spirits!

If you had the strength of an ant you could lift the pyramid of giza (ants can lift items 20x their weight)

How did Stephen hawking get up the stairway to heaven?

He didn’t, there was no lift...!

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off." Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom? The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf." "Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause. ! She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?" "No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?"

So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But beforeclass ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the studentsclear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

why is the penis so light?

Because even thots can lift them

Yo mama is so ugly, when she went for plastic surgery they accidentally gave her face a Brazilian Butt Lift...

Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a hot wheels car

Funny Test Answers #6

Pro Fest-Answer these questions as accurately as possible.
1. in which battle did Napoleon Die? His last one
2. Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?
on the bottom of the page.
3. River Ravi, flows is which state?
Liquid State
4. What is the main reason for Divorce?
MARRIAGE
S. What is the main reason for Exams?
FAILURE
6. What can you never eat for Breakfast?
Lunch & Dinner
7. What looks like half an apple?
The other HALF
8. If you threw a red stone into the Blue Sea, what will it become?
Simply, Awet stone
9. How can a Man go 8 days without sleeping?
EASY, sleep at night.
A+ for Creativity
Mis Ta
Jun
10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
you can never lift on elephant that has I HAND
11.If you had 3 apples and 4 oranges in one hand and 3 oranges and 4 apples
in the other hand, what would you have?
VERY Large HANDS
12.if it took, eight men 10 hours to build a brick wall, how long would it take
four men to build it?
No time at all, the wall was
already built
13. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
Any way you
very
want, because a concrete floor
hard to crack.

A man from Brooklyn is arguing with an englishman. He says things like,

"It's a elevator, not'a lift!"

and

"It's bathroom! Not 'washroom'!"

He keeps going on until the englishman says,

"Hey wankar, it's a school, not a god damned shootin range."

SOn:hey dad im cold can you give me a lift from work

Dad:Hi cold, Nice to meet you sorry i dont pick up strangers

Son:I hate you

mate. my wife susan has kicked me out again, anyone got a lift? xx

I saw my midget neighbour at a bus stop

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home" I said.

"Bugger off" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

Once upon a time, there was a magician named Daniel. He usually did gigs for children and this time he was working at a kid's birthday party. He walked in and said "Hi boys and girls, my name is Daniel." He performed multiple tricks, each one amazing the children. Then, he said "And for my final trick; I will disappear!" He lifted up a blanket and when it fell down he was gone. Then, the birthday boy said "Hey, he's like my dad." "Really" asked a little girl? "I guessed?" he said back, "My dad wasn't a magician, but he disappeared. I haven't seen him since...."