Left Jokes

So one time I was looking up the definition of accident because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me, and points at the word and says, “That’s you!”(meaning that I was an accident) A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you. But we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

I was listening to my children praying. And my youngest that can speak said to me: "Mama, why is Gramma dead?" I smiled and told her, "Well, less than 10 years ago when I was 5, your age, my Momma took me into the basement with some hot rando during a party. And 9 months later Shinana was born. One Pedo after another and your 4 siblings are born. The Pedo I met last night told me, 'If your mother's the one making you do this, do what you do best.' I listened and the next day she didn't leave her bed breathing. When the Pedo found out he left me and your soon to be brother." She replies with, "Make his child support expensive!" Now he has to pay me 2,000 U.S. dollars every month. Like the other ones that ran away.

A guy goes to Starbucks and asks”Hey, if I can make you laugh I don’t have to pay.”The girl in the window says,”ok.”The guys says,”A little boy named Timmy lost his arms.”The girl says,” oh no!”The guy says”and his dad left him when he was 4.”The girl says “uhh yeah.” The guy says”Ok,I guess I’ll be paying then” The girl asks”Ok,And what name will that be under?”The guy says”Timmy,I’m Timmy.”

A week before Christmas my wife left me, she said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore. On Christmas eve Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "all I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world." On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

Your grandmother died cuz she fell on the highest floor of the hotel your grandfather died cuz he got shot by saving your mother if he didn't save your mother you wouldn't be here You grew up in a world full of virus you wanted the virus to be gone there's only one way But you have to know it I can't tell it for you Your mother got the Covid-19 you prayed and prayed all night hoping that she would be okay the next day the doctors went to your house without your mother you asked "Where is my mother?!?!" The doctors said "Your mother is gone,so we came here to tell you" the doctors left. Anither hour you were thinking while crying "Why was my pray not working?,Lord why'd you let me down?" You searched on Google "How to bring back the dead" the Google workers declined it.your father left you cuz he loved another girl Your brothers are still with you but what do they get the virus? Who will be with you? Don't forget Jesus is still there for you don't give up keep going and you will succeed soon you will find your own family and beat the coronavirus

Jay and Andrew, are best friends whom are almost alike, the difference between them both is Jay is poor and well...Andrew on the other hand is suck-a-dick-poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes-up in his room, walks to the kitchen and asks his mom Lisa (I call her Lisa now btw) if there is anything to eat, "No bitch !" She replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed. Now Andrew...wakes-up jumps out of bed and he's in the kitchen, he sees his mom fixing some for work, after a long hard night of giving her husband blue-balls, "Anything left for me Mother?" Andrew asks "Sorry Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work taking her time * Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself "Man...I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if u do my first customer for me!!! "

You got a black cat. He was bad luck. Everyone left you and you comited suicide. What a CATastrophe.

they dont have parents because they left when u were 0

Steven hawking is the fastest footballer ever-he could just charge up the Left Wing

Yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah) Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad and low, yeah I'm sad and low, yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah) Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad and low, yeah I'm sad and low, yeah I gave her everything She took my heart and left me lonely I've been broken, heart's contentious I won't fix, I'd rather weep I'm lost and I'm found, but It's torture being in love I love when you're around But I fucking hate when you leave Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah) Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad and low, yeah I'm sad and low, yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah) Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad and low, yeah I'm sad and low, yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah) Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad and low, yeah I'm sad and low, yeah Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh You decide, if you're ever gonna, let me know (yeah) Suicide, if you ever try to let go, uh I'm sad and low, yeah I'm sad and low, yeah

Three copycats on a boat 1 jumps off how many are left? 0 cause they’re copycats

An orphan made an Instagram, he did not know what that symbol was on the bottom left hand corner

A teacher asks a boy in her class "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think. Later, the boy asks the teacher "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says "The one sucking it." The boy says "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."

Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg. P1: Why did the chicken cross the road? P2: To get to the other side DUH?!? P1: No dumbass, its to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me). P2: Holy shitr u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine ro do this.

No one Beyoncé said to the left to the left she really meant women have no rights

A man once ate the left-side of a person one guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. the man eating him said "No... it's okay he's alright now."

What did the left butt cheek say to the right?

Trump 2020

What did the right eye say to the left?—Between you and me, something smells!

What is bus driver that does not work? A useless one ☝️