Last Word Jokes

What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?

"I used to do it, but now I cant!"

What were Paul Walker's last words?

Hey, that tree's growing!

I remember my son's last words: "I stubbed my toe!"

I still to this day remember my grandpa's last words.

"I'M ALLERGIC TO FUCKING CATS!"

I will remember my classmate's last words: "Ahh, my pen's ink spilled on my computer!"

The best night of my life was when I gave my virginity to my wife, and her last word was when she called me "Mommy" at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.

These are all of my terrible jokes.

Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright, but the reception was amazing.

A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says, "Does this taste funny to you? I'm joking of course!"

Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs." The doctor said, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says, "Dam!"

A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out for a "small medium at large."

A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem.

What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh.

A priest, a rabbi, and a cleric walk into a bar. The cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens.

What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.

I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart.

I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis.

A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart.

Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico.

What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels were a lie.

What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck.

Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall? I don't know. I'm asking you.

Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker? She has dementia.

There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.

I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"

My grandpa died in 9/11. I was told his last words were "Allahu Akbar."

I will always remember my dad's last words...

Oh wait, I never knew them.

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."

A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."