Last Word jokes
What were Christa McAuliffe’s last words to her husband?
"You feed the dog, I’ll feed the fish."
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."
What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?
"I used to do it, but now I cant!"
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
I will remember my classmate's last words: "Ahh, my pen's ink spilled on my computer!"
Q: What were my son's last words before he died?
A: "Bye, Dad, I am going to school."
"FUCK IT HURTS SO BAD PLEASE SEND AN AMBULANCE I CAN'T BREATHE (I am Paul Walker btw)"
My grandmother said goodnight...
She never said good morning.
My grandma just died from cancer.
My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”
Wanna know the last words of the south tower?
"HAHA LOOK AT YOU! IMAGINE BEING HIT YOU L BOZO!"
The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
A man is about to be hanged. His executioner asks for his last words.
The man says, “Man, it’s hard to think of something when your life is on the line.”
1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?
- A bus full of children.
2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
- He died of a yeast infection.
3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...
- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”
4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...
- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...
- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.